Tuesday October 5th, 2010:
We all woke up early, had breakfast then our showers. We left their place just before 7.30am. As schools were going back that day, it meant the roads may be busier, they were, but we arrived at the cemetery just on 8.30am. I located the chapel and went to check. It was closed, but the celebrant had arrived.
I introduced her to my friends. I saw other family starting to arrive, I went to acknowledge them, and was given sympathy of course, got asked questions about what happened, which I answered.
Suddenly, my aunt nudged me and pointed. I looked to see my blister and it’s family arriving. I did the right thing but got the cold shoulder.
I walked back to where my friends were.
I was met with the celebrant asking me to join her. I grabbed my friend too as I had a feeling.
I was right, we were given a private moment alone with dad. He had been cleaned up and looked amazing, but I still didn’t feel an open casket was wise.
I broke down uncontrollably, shaking and dry reaching too.
Lucky, the celebrant had a feeling and had made me a coffee, which calmed me down, then I sat down for a few minutes.
Once I had calmed down, we went to open the doors and greet the mourners, who signed the attendance book.
Most shook my hand or kissed me, others like my blister and her tribe, ignored me.
Once everyone was seated, the celebrant and I walked to the front, I grabbed my aunt as we did as I felt she deserved to sit at the front.
The celebrant began. Both my aunt and friend sat either side of me, squeezing my hands.
When it was time for the Eulogy, the celebrant called me up to give it, which I did and read it out.
I was infuriated though as I saw, in the back row, my blister, husband, 3 children and my cousin, my aunt’s son, all looking down and playing on their mobile phones.
Several mourners could see my disgust and looked over.
Once I’d finished, I was held at the podium for the rest of the service. Once finished, the celebrant and I turned around to watch dad’s coffin glide slowly behind the curtains.
This caused my legs to turn to jelly and I collapsed. Thankfully, my friend and aunt came to my rescue and held onto me until the coffin has disappeared.
We walked to the back and thanked the mourners as they all left.
Once everyone had left, we headed to our cars and drove to the club.
I was astounded when my blister said, “FYI, I was born in 1967, not 68 and when are you putting an ad in the paper so I can get paid for today?”
This prompted me to tell her and her brood to fuck off, especially as they couldn’t respect me whilst I was giving the Eulogy. They left, but not before causing a scene.
I walked away to calm down, because I thought she was there to support me, as we are blood.
Once they left, the rest of the day went better.
I got to chat with many relatives, which was great.
Around 1pm, people started leaving.
2pm, everyone had left, except my friends and I, we got back into their car and headed back to their place.
I had a shower and changed, then packed my stuff, said my goodbyes to and thanking them and I left.
I was dreading this, as I felt my emotions may start to take over. I was right. Thankfully, I was near a freeway rest area, and pulled in.
As I arrived, the water works started, but after a short time, I recovered and went to have something to eat, which helped.
The rest of the drive home was uneventful.
Upon arrival, the manager came out to hand me all my mail, and there was a lot of it. I thanked him and went to my room to read it all.
I returned the car the following day and saw my new manager to request an extra couple of days off, which was granted.
I was constantly beating myself up about “Murdering” my father, yes, I considered what I did, as Murder.
Christmas 2010, I was at my friends place, housesitting as per usual, when my phone pinged. I didn’t know the number.
I checked the message; it was a generic message from my blister.
I immediately called my friend to tell her, even she was shocked and upset as it was not personalised.
I answered back, to date: No Response.