I headed back to the restaurant precinct near the hospital. I ordered some take away and waited.
Once I had the food, walked to the railway station and ate whilst waiting for the train.
As it was a Sunday, trains were every 30 minutes, and I had just missed one, which gave me the chance to eat.
The train arrive spot on time. I knew the guard and was able to travel with her. I broke down almost immediately. She comforted me.
Once we arrived at my station, I bade my farewells and alighted.
I slowly walked home.
I knew deep down, dad was not coming home this time.
Once home, I went straight to bed, but plugged in my phone first.
Suddenly my phone rang. I answered it. It was the surgeon giving bad news, but asked me to get to the hospital asap. She advised me as to where he was now.
I got up and quickly showered, dressed and ran up to the bus stop. It was around 2am.
A bus arrived not long after. I boarded. Thankfully this time of the day, it was more an express bus. Once we approached my stop I pressed the button.
Alighted and ran to the hospital and the Emergency Department. I advised who I was and where I was needed. The Receptionist made a call and after a few minutes I was escorted to where dad was.
I was thankful for the escort as I got lost.
As we arrived, a Nurse was there and she showed me to where dad was lying.
N.B. From hereon in, this may disturb some people, I advise no one under 18 read on. I’m crying and haven’t started yet.
Dad was hooked up to many leads and machines and asleep. I immediately knew the worst.
The Nurse asked if I would like a coffee. I nodded, then she left.
The surgeon soon arrived and we started chatting, but she insisted we chat in a quiet room.
We walked there, and as we arrived; I saw my surname written on the whiteboard. I was told this is my room to sit and reflect, but each time rooms may change.
The Nurse brought my coffee in and left.
The surgeon then proceeded to tell me what happened.
She said, “Ok, your father’s surgery went well, however, just as we were closing him up, he went into a Cardia Arrest (Had a Heart Attack), he was pronounced dead for a short time, but we revived him. Once he was stabilised, I placed him in an induced coma.”
I said, “Ok, great that knot has been fixed, I’ve been at him for a while, what are his chances?”
She said, “Yes. Honestly, not good, can you tell me about your mum, please?”
I responded, yes, and did that.
Once I’d finished, she then dropped the bombshell.
She said, “Ok, In my opinion, I feel your father’s life support should be turned off so he can join your mother, it is the most humane thing to do, what do you think?”
I took a gulp of the steaming hot coffee, then said, “I need to think about this, whilst I agree, I’m pro life, I’m really not sure it’s the best thing for him. How long do I have before a decision needs to be made?”
She said, “Ok, yes, I know it’s hard, you take all the time you need, but the sooner the better, it’s almost 4am, would you like to stay in here and nap a little, I’m going off shift at 7am, I’ll come back with some breakfast for you just before then, ok.”
I said, “Thanks, that would be great.”
She went and got me a blanket and brought it back, then I lay down to try and sleep.
Sleep did not come easy, as I now had a very difficult decision to make.
Honestly I considered pulling the plug right then, but I needed to be 10000000% sure I was doing the right thing, not for me, but dad.
I did fall asleep, but briefly.
I was woken by a gentle knock at the door, then it opened. It was the same nurse from earlier, bringing my breakfast in. I thanked her and she left.
A short time later there was another gentle knock, I allowed entry, it was the surgeon to ask how I was. I advised about my lack of sleep, but need a few days to decide.
I advised about my previous instructions with dad for visitors.
As dad was in an ICU: Intensive Care Unit, visitors were limited and as I was NOK, I had the final say over who visited, and all I wanted was me.
She soon left me alone to finish my breakfast, which for a Public Hospital, was rather delicious and filling.
Once I’d finished, I relaxed a bit, but then got up and went to place the tray where it belonged.
I met the day staff and advised I would come back in a couple of days’ time.
I thanked everyone and left. I walked to the station to catch the train home.