INSECURITY

G’day you amazing winners.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_security

This blog is from my point of view, as I have recently realised, I’m an

INSECURE PERSON.

The reason why I am, is because I have been treated badly all my life, whereby many people have told me negative things, and constantly let down too.

This has resulted in me having trust issues, and thinking others are the same as those from my past.

Case in Point:

Where I’m currently working, I’ve been told nice things, which a secure person would accept, however, based on past experiences, I do not believe what I’m told.

Yes, I should accept everyone on their merits and at Face Value, but as others judge me negatively, then I do the same thing.

Another time, when I was working in Sydney.

I accepted Voluntary Redundancy, because the people I worked with, were all males, and treated me like dirt.

None would help when I was struggling, but I was expected to help them.

My Team Leader/Supervisor was a nasty piece of work, he would constantly be on my back about my job and criticise even the most smallest failures.

He would constantly ridicule me, mainly because I transitioned whilst there, but also because I refused to socialise with the other staff.

Most of those I worked with were lazy people who I knew if I sat near them, I may have said things I would regret, also most were smokers, which affects me.

Before I was transferred to this location, they were told lies about me, which they believed, despite me proving they were lies.

I had nowhere to turn, therefore, I sucked it up and allowed the bullying etc. to constantly occur.

I was blamed for the problems at this location, without any evidence to back it up, but as usual, I was on my own.

Honestly, when I go to work, I go to do the job I’m paid for, not to sit around gossiping, or being a nasty, toxic person.

I’ve also had people in the past, who have asked me questions, which I’ve answered, but they then do an Internet search. This adds to my Insecurity, because it makes me feel

INFERIOR.

Funny though, when these people have done their research, they have found, most of the time, I am correct, which makes me smile inside.

However, when I do the same thing, I’m abused because others feel I don’t trust them.

DOUBLE STANDARDS SUCK.

My policy now:

When someone wants to ask me a question, I say:

“Go do an Internet Search, now leave me alone.”

I know, I sound nasty and mean, but why should I do the right thing, when most people will just do research anyway.

Because of my Insecurity, I prefer written, signed agreements as I then have proof of what someone has agreed too, and when they let me down, I can, and usually do, commence legal proceedings.

A quote I totally love is:

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS,

However, sometimes, words speak louder.

I also want to say, being Insecure contributes to my Anxiety and Depression, which affects my Quality of Life.

Honestly, those who treat others badly, are:

TOXIC

&

Not worth our attention.

I’m still very upset about what happened late 2018, which caused me to go into severe Damage Control.

Someone spread vicious lies about me online.

I have proof to say they are lies and even go a step further to show this.

Despite all the positivity’s being told to me, it will take quite some time for all the negativities to be released from my body.

Some of the negatives I’ve been told are:

Waste Of Space,

Loser,

Thief (Because someone believed I was stealing oxygen).

Ugle,

Boring,

Liar,

Creepy,

Nuisance,

Lazy,

Worthless,

Strange.

These are just some I can think of, off the top of my head, I know there are many more.

How many can you add?

Because of the above, and my failed relationships, I prefer being alone because I trust me.

Honestly, No one trusts me, so why should I trust anyone else.