These next few blogs are personal 1’s about my life.
In 1965 when I was hatched, was assigned male.
As a result, I was required to do all the male activities, which I abhored.
From an early age, I felt different, but unable to talk to anyone.
Early 1970, I started school, where I met the stunnelicious CJ.
She changed my life. Not long after meeting, she suggested we swap clothing, wow did I feel relieved, but.
Age 6 started a nightmare. An older male relative began molesting me. This continued until I was 14.
Still unable to tell anyone. Our sessions continued until the day she broke up with me. To this day I don’t know why.
When I started Secondary School, things got worse. The boys would ask me sexual questions, which got me uncomfortable.
I was bullied by both boys & girls.
I wanted to die & prayed.
I was judged because I wasn’t showing any “Manly” body hair.
Even my own cousins, all male, would bully me. 1 told me to do the world a favour & drop dead.
Puberty 1 was hell for me as unwanted things happened.
I would look at the girls & wish I was as lucky as them.
In 1981, age 16, I was accused of touching the breast of another student. I still say it was accidental.
This girls friends decided to play a joke on me.
This joke resulted in me becoming infertile & with little interest in anything physical
I didn’t know that I was suffering from:
Gender Identity & Sexual Orientation Crisis.
Because of the above, I shied away from relationships, because I feared that if they got serious, I would not be able to give my wife what she wanted:
Children.
I was ashamed of my childhood traumas. I blamed myself, still do.
I tried being a “Man,” by working “Manly” jobs: Sales Asdistant, I was a Trolley Boy: In a Chicken Factory, that was an eye opener: Scrap Yard: Storeman, Stationery, Chocolate Factory, Credit Card Printer: Courier: Parcel Delivery: Bus Driver: Blood Delivery: And others.
My father wanted me to join the defence forces, but I was, still am, scared of guns. I was also unwilling to be around males, because they may want to pry into my life.
I’m a shy person, & abhor anything violent. I now know why I’m so timid.
End of Part 1. I will post part 2 soon.
melscustomisedcandles.com 